- Mood:
Hopeless - Listening to: Piano music is soothing.
Alrighty, so here's the deal: What I'm about to talk 'bout here may turn into a rant at any given moment, is highly emotional and may annoy most of you. However, Facebook doesn't have an App where I can let my feelings go, so bear with me here, okie doke?
I've been thinking about abandoning this account. Not signing off or anything - oh no, I still have customers here to serve - rather just using this account for critic work and as a back up source for my work in any emergencies. Therefore I'd probably do a huge sweep of what is here and scrap a lot of work. Reason being that I hate the feeling of constant failure to give you guys any real artwork unlike so many other artists do on here, and the fact that dA is starting to get on my nerves...aka overrun with anime weeaboos' (which I already have enough of those to deal with). However, since I know I still have some requests for various things other than artwork (for obvious reasons) I still will be present here from time to time.
My schedule is giving me a headache. Every inch and space of time I have is almost full now. On top of that, I have to try to get a drivers license to live in this stupid world. This year I have big shoes to fill as well, and I've got bigger things to distract myself with than what is happening here.
Those bigger things to distract myself with are my priority now. Since I was a kid, the only thing I was known and interested for and in was drawing. I don't see much joy in drawing at the moment, nor in painting (well, I actually like painting better). I have a King Kong-sized art block gnawing at my abilities right now; it makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to draw again. I blame the AP program, which I am being forced into again this year, thus increasing my dread. So while I try to rejuvinate my skills, if they're at all salvageable, I have drowned myself in the world of dance. I now focus on refining my technique in both folk and ballet; it is what I find joy in now.
On top of that, my feelings from the summer have not changed for the guy half-way 'cross the world. This leaves me thinking about whether or not I am getting sickly bipolar, since one minute I am up and happy to know him and the next I am down and wish I had never met him. This WILL annoy you all. I don't want to drag you guys through this; I've already drug you though enough of my mucky stupidity the many years I've known you people. In fact, I've kept this desire pretty much silent to everyone around me, including him, because for my friends and family they are worn out and sick of it and the day I tell him my feelings I'd either be A. On my deathbed, B. it'd be during the Apocalypse, C. I just commited suicide and left a letter for him, or D. Whenever I see him again in person (but this is highly unlikely).
So I am done here. This will probably be my last appearane for awhile, other than the occasional update or whatnot. I'm not going to make another account and restart, no, I am just going to go through my gallery and scrap/delete whatever needs to be thrown out and sift through the remaining things here on my profile as well.
I'll see you all sometime other than now.